She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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