Fine. I'll sleep in my office
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
