I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
