I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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