guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
he shaved USA in his pubs
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
