I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
He kissed a someone with a penis
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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