The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize