My friends, they love my intelligence
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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