im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
