Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
So vagazzling was a success
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
