It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
