i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
