i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
We need to rekindle our bromance
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
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