we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
