I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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