The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
