Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
