If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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