Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
