I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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