dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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