My entire life is one complicated drinking game
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
two words: eviction party
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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