you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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