State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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