That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
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