She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
