doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
