i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
