is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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