so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
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