haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
