i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
