Me too!
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
