My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
