Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
