i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
