we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I still have a little drunk in my system
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
