Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
