god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
