I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
im holly from the hills drunk
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize