I hate all girls vehemently.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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