Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
