Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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