Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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