even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
