My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
