1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
