When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
