i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
