Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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