it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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