I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
