If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
