Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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