I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
