Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
