He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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