Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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