When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
