Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
