I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i would punch a child for taco bell
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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