OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
