Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
