we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
