Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
