I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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