She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
