i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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