Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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