Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
